Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
