this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
