Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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