Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
