did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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