idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
