Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
