my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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