I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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