i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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