i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pooping to opera.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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