We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is Oprah even human
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize