so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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