can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
