Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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