We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
