Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
