I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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