So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
