my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
