I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
