i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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