You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize