I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
