Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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