you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
