Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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