There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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