Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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