Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
