His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
