ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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