I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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