meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
