i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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