but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
