all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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