At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
