what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
