Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
