We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
