my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
