Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
