Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
