Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
