I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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