my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
