We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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