I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
foreskin is a definite game changer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
