2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
