Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
