Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize