love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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