We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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