Pappa wants mamma naked
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
