He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
