I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
