so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
