no you cant smoke seaweed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
