What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
