Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
