Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
