He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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