does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
