so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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