Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
