our cab driver is having phone sex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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