They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
